The Hogwarts Burn Book, Or: Merry Mayhem
by CUtopia
Summary: Word travels fast in Hogwarts and everyone seems to like a good rumour, yet nobody anticipated that one day, every nasty story would be revealed.


Written for the _Quidditch League Fanfiction Competition_ Season 5, Round 6 – Wigtown Wanderers vs Montrose Magpies

 **Position:** Keeper

 **Prompt:** Each position has a different film assigned to them, which you must use as inspiration for your story – _Mean Girls_

 **Word Count:** 1,350 Words

 **Betas:** RawMateriel, Aelys Althea

I hope you all enjoy it, I'm looking forward to your opinions :)

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 **The Hogwarts Burn Book, Or: Merry Mayhem**

It was no secret that news traveled fast in Hogwarts, and that almost everyone was involved in gossip in one way or another. There were whispers in the stairwells, stories exchanged with snickers in the bathrooms and dormitories, or notes passed around in the classrooms, spreading the latest news and juiciest details in ways that would make Rita Skeeter cry with glee.

Yet nobody openly talked about this fact, and so the more oblivious students barely ever noticed that students and teachers alike were highly active in sticking their noses into other people's business. Additionally, it seemed like a small miracle that the stories, regardless of how true or false they were, didn't reach the person they were about most of the times.

It was a system that worked well for everyone, but little did they know that there was one person that would throw everything upside down.

And so they didn't predict the fateful day coming on which the true depth of the gossip in Hogwarts was revealed.

OoO

The fateful day was a Wednesday that started like any other ordinary Wednesday at Hogwarts; students and teachers slowly filed into the Great Hall for breakfast, some chatting with their friends, others ignoring the existence of all the other inhabitants of the castle until they'd had their third cup of coffee. Nobody had an inkling of what was awaiting them, and so not a single person batted an eyelash when the post owls flew into the Great Hall, soaring over the heads of the students like on any other morning.

A second later, hell broke lose.

Parchment started to rain down on the students, loose pages and heavy stacks that barely separated in the air, smashing plates and bowls on the tables and hitting people hard. Some people just stared up at the owls in confusion, maybe assuming that they were still asleep while others were screaming as they tried to shield their heads from the rain of parchment, getting some nasty papercuts.

Only a few people were cunning enough to grab some pages from the floor or their plates, curious of what was written on them, some maybe hoping to find an explanation for this uncommon event. As soon as the worst of the parchment rain was over, most students grabbed what was closest to them, and exasperated gasps replaced the screams and shrieks as the written words were read out aloud.

Some people obviously recognised the messages, others realised that they concerned them directly.

" _Pansy Parkinson's boobs are fake - it's all tissues."_

" _Marcus Belby drew a picture of Professor Flitwick as a Christmas elf."_

" _Luna Lovegood is a precious cinnamon roll."_

"Oh, so lovely," Luna said dreamily, smiling softly at no one in particular while Neville Longbottom at the Gryffindor table mumbled something about his love for cinnamon rolls.

" _Professor Remus Lupin has a weird love for dogs and throws secret chocolate orgies on the weekends."_

" _Colin Creevy photographed his own ass out of boredom and sent the picture to his brother Kevin."_

" _Lavender Brown said about Padma Patil that she's way too convinced of her own beauty."_

" _Parvati Patil called Lavender Brown a dumb toad."_

The three girls shot each other nasty glares, then Parvati jumped to her feet. "You said what about my sister?"

A dozen Gryffindors hurried to shuffle down the table to get away from their immediate vicinity; knowing the three girls, they could tell that this would probably get nasty.

" _Draco Malfoy dies his hair so his father will love him more."_

" _Professor Minerva McGonagall does catnip regularly."_

Draco's cheeks started to get pink and he looked like he wanted to disappear in a hole while McGonagall stared down at the present students, as if she was trying to see if someone was showing any signs of guilt. She definitely wouldn't let people talk bullshit about her, and whoever was still paying attention to her knew that she would hunt the person responsible down and punish them.

" _Madam Pince once almost killed Hermione Granger because she fell asleep in the library and drooled on a book."_

Hermione blushed darkly and gazed down at her hands as if she still couldn't believe that she'd committed such an abomination while Harry appeared completely confused by what was happening - it was no secret that he was too oblivious to notice a rumour even if someone was shouting it at him.

" _In front of his friends, Blaise Zabini insists on being called 'Zeus' for his resemblance to a god himself."_

"Hey, who wrote that shit?" Blaise exclaimed while jumping from his seat, glaring at no one in particular. "That's not true!"

A boy to his right snickered, shaking his head. "You probably did this yourself to get attention."

"Shut your mouth! You did it, didn't you!"

"Why would I? Everyone in Slytherin knows how much of a peacock you are." The boy shrugged and Blaise made an angry noise, swearing under his breath that he would make the person who'd done this regret their deeds.

" _Katie Bell and Marcus Flint made out on the Astronomy Tower - repeatedly."_

Katie and Marcus exchanged panicked glances that turned into ones of terror when Oliver Wood jumped to his feet, pushing his glass of pumpkin juice over in the process. "You did _what_? Flint, I'm going to kill-"

However, he didn't get to finish the sentence as Percy Weasley suddenly stormed over, grabbing Oliver by the front of his robes and pulling him in for a kiss. Oliver seemed taken aback for a second, but then he didn't hesitate to kiss Percy back with the same intensity; Percy was still holding a piece of parchment as he slung his arms around the other boy's neck and everyone standing nearby could read: _Oliver Wood has a crush on Percy Weasley._

Some people in the boys' vicinity gasped in surprise; others didn't look like this was big news to them at all and when they slowly separated Oliver only had a tiny bit of confusion on his face.

"So… we are the boys in the rumour? The ones sharing a dorm and having the hots for each other," he whispered softly and Percy nodded, his cheeks glowing pink; meanwhile Marcus was obviously relieved that Wood was focused on different things.

Still, the atmosphere in the Great Hall was growing more aggressive as nasty comments were read out; Lavender, Parvati and Padma were standing in a circle, hurling profanities at each other and looked like they were about to claw each others faces off. Many other students were past the point of insulting each other already; at the Hufflepuff table of all things, a full-blown brawl was starting. Goblets were flying and someone even hexed some cutlery to attack other students while nobody except the people involved in the fight actually knew why the usually friendly and tolerant Hufflepuffs were suddenly losing their minds.

Some teachers hurried to stand and ran over, trying to break up the soon various fights and the Great Hall drowned in chaos as people screamed at each other, students cried or left in anger, and even some teachers let their emotions get the better of them. Professor Trelawney was sobbing loudly about something nobody had paid attention to; Professor Snape a few seats down the table looked like he was ready to commit a murder as a Slytherin First Year read out a statement that revealed that he actually had a heart _and_ a romantic relationship with Rolanda Hooch.

And while everyone was acting on their outrage, Headmaster Albus Dumbledore sat in his chair, sipping his cup of tea with a small, satisfied smile as he observed the scene in front of him.

It would be a shame not to share the stories that were whispered in corners and behind tapestries, whether they were true or not, and sometimes, he found, you had to create the small amusements breaking the dullness of the school life yourself.


End file.
